Don’t Know What To Do Anymore…

So I feel like I really just need to vent and I know I can’t do it on Facebook or my other blog because I’ll just be judged.  I’m having such a hard time right now with the one person I truly wish to be with for the rest of my life. Yes, I do know that I’m only 20 but having an on and off, never the right time, relationship with him since my freshman year in high school, and going through what we have, I still cannot picture myself with anyone else. The problem? He’s currently engaged to a girl he’s only been with for less than 6 months. The main problem? I can’t talk to him face-to-face because he’s in the Army. He just recently came home for a month leave, right after being stationed up north in Fort Drum, NY. The night before he left, I decided that I wanted him to know everything I felt. The only problem is I couldn’t explain how I felt to him face-to-face without breaking down. He met his fiancee while he was stationed overseas, and she’s also in the Army - active duty. When we talked the last night of his leave, he told me he really couldn’t picture himself with his fiancee in the long run, because he couldn’t trust her. He then told me that there really was only one person who he could picture himself with and being happy. Though he didn’t say my name, he gave me that look that implies he was talking about me. He means everything to me and I was willing to leave my hometown to follow him, support him, be the rock that every soldier needs. Before he got with his now fiancee, we had talked about our future together, kids and marriage and how wonderful it would be to spend the rest of our lives together. He knows that I love him with everything I have, but he’s still with his fiancee. He’s not happy with her, I can see it in his eyes that he isn’t. The thing that makes this worse is his family doesn’t approve. His mother dislikes me for unknown reasons, his father doesn’t care, and throughout the past 6 years of on and off again - he’s constantly had people telling him he isn’t good enough for me. I think this is what is pushing him to stay with her. He’s miserable, I’m miserable, and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s all up to him and the longer I wait, the more I feel like I’m never going to be able to call him mine again. I just wonder if there’s anyone who’s been through this, especially with a military significant other. It’s hard with him being stationed hours away where I can’t go and talk to him, change his mind. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel lost.

1 week ago  /  0 notes